Speed Dating Satirists Gifts

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

'Speed dating really works! Our first date was Friday, we married on Saturday, and now I'm happily single again.'

"You need a mint."

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

He's Tasty!

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

Christian Speed Dating

Speed Dating

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

"I think you are exceeding the speed limit."

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

"He's handsome. I wonder how he tastes?"

"I won't sweep with you on our first date"

'I've tried some lines with her, but I keep getting error messages.'