Satirical Relationship Critic Gifts

"Click here if you accept his terms and conditions."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

His and Hers.

Revenge Graffiti.

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"Marry you? Why I wouldn't even vote to let you into my co-op."

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

'Since we've been married thirty years, Lester, I think it's time to face up to the fact that we've been seeing too much of each other.'

"No, dear, what we have is a 'samey sex' marriage."

"It's been over for a while now. I caught him trying to fertilize some catfish eggs in June."

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

"I submit to the committee the document of your unfinished screenplay, is it your testimony today that you told your wife it would be finished by now?"

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

"You caught it, you probe it."

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"