Satirical Relationship Critic Pillows

"Click here if you accept his terms and conditions."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

Revenge Graffiti.

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

His and Hers.

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"Marry you? Why I wouldn't even vote to let you into my co-op."

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

"It's been over for a while now. I caught him trying to fertilize some catfish eggs in June."

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

'Since we've been married thirty years, Lester, I think it's time to face up to the fact that we've been seeing too much of each other.'

"You caught it, you probe it."

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"