Modern Relationship Critic Pillows

Speed Dating and Speed Dumping

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

Suddenly it occurred to Justin that rose petals might have been more romantic.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"Now who's being judgy?"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"I don't see what you see in him."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"I love you very much, but apparently it's break-up season."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

Bread Winner-Need More Dough

"I don't want to get too serious."

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'