Modern Dating Critic Pillows

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Let's do lunch.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"I'm so shallow."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"We need to text about our relationship."

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"Love means sacrificing your swiping hand."

"Last night, he was a sex addict. Today, he's a not calling addict."

'You'd better go home now, Ted -- I'm beginning to feel lonesome.'

"Fancy going to watch a movie?"

Romantic LED-lit Dinner

"Sorry, but I never give more than a peck on the cheek on a first date."

"I just can't be with someone who's never been digitized."