Modern Dating Critic Gifts

If you want to go on a date, I'll need some basic information. Cholesterol level, history of family heart disease, cancer and diabetes

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Let's do lunch.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

I'm looking at photos of potential dates here. Your "screening" process.

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"I'm so shallow."

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"We need to text about our relationship."

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"I like you, but only in a Facebook thumbs up kind of way."

"Love means sacrificing your swiping hand."

'You'd better go home now, Ted -- I'm beginning to feel lonesome.'

"It was love at first sight. She married him without even googling him!"

"Sorry, but I never give more than a peck on the cheek on a first date."

"I just can't be with someone who's never been digitized."

Romantic LED-lit Dinner

"Last night, he was a sex addict. Today, he's a not calling addict."

"Oh, great... they say they all have headaches."