Dating Critic Gifts

'...Anyway, enough about me. Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

"Are you positive he's the one who talked about himself all night and never once asked about you?"

'This could be another chapter for my book on easy pickups.'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

Dead cupid

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

"Stupid superstitious waste of money - what'd you wish for, a new vacuum?"

A man smoking a post-coital cigarette sees a woman leaving a note in a suggestions box.

Relationship problems.

I am sorry you can't have Sonia,she is for display only.'

"I'm not really a handsome prince. I just fancied a good snog."

"I married you for your money, Leonard. Where is it?"

'I'm leaving you, Harold. You're boring, predictable, and your texting borders on pathetic.'

Speed Dating and Speed Dumping

Sue meets another Winner

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

Sterns Father. 'What an unearthly hour that young fellow stops till every night, Doris. What does your mother say about it?' Daughter. 'She says men haven't altered a bit pa.'

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"You used to love the way I annoyed the hell out of you."

"That's an unusual, orange jumpsuit!"

"Isn't this all a bit derivative?"