Date Critic Gifts

"Please may I see you again - I find your opinions so easy to trash."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

Romantic Coffee Dates

"I like you and all, Carl, but you've just got too many problems."

Evolution of love

Tunnel of what passes for love these days. Tickets.

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

'Isn't she a bit young for you?'

On today's "Ask Sadie" Radio Hour, we'll talk about the elephant in the room: Hillary Clinton's age. And Bernie's too. Forget all this PC nonsense, I'll just come right out and say it: Their age disqualifies them. These children don't know anything about life. I bet they haven't even gotten their first hip replacement yet. Nice to know we'll always be young to somebody. Earth is young to her.

"Stupid superstitious waste of money - what'd you wish for, a new vacuum?"

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

A man smoking a post-coital cigarette sees a woman leaving a note in a suggestions box.

"I like you, but only in a Facebook thumbs up kind of way."

Relationship problems.

"Oh, great... they say they all have headaches."

"I'm not really a handsome prince. I just fancied a good snog."

'When I say 'February' what do you think of? . . . I was hoping for 'Valentine's Day', but I guess that was a long shot.'

"I married you for your money, Leonard. Where is it?"

I brought a little ice breaker.'

'I'm leaving you, Harold. You're boring, predictable, and your texting borders on pathetic.'

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

Humpty Dumpty on Lover's Leap.

Awkward First Dates

Sue meets another Winner

What's the best way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings? Why would you want to do that? The whole point of breaking up with someone is to punish them for their shenanigans, their shortcomings, and their carnal incompetence! Why deny yourself satisfaction?! Every time you bring a tear to the eye of a loser, an angel get her wings.

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."