Date Critic Pillows

"Please may I see you again - I find your opinions so easy to trash."

Romantic Coffee Dates

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

"Stupid superstitious waste of money - what'd you wish for, a new vacuum?"

'Isn't she a bit young for you?'

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

A man smoking a post-coital cigarette sees a woman leaving a note in a suggestions box.

Relationship problems.

"I'm not really a handsome prince. I just fancied a good snog."

'When I say 'February' what do you think of? . . . I was hoping for 'Valentine's Day', but I guess that was a long shot.'

"I married you for your money, Leonard. Where is it?"

I brought a little ice breaker.'

'I'm leaving you, Harold. You're boring, predictable, and your texting borders on pathetic.'

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

Sue meets another Winner

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

Awkward First Dates

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"That's an unusual, orange jumpsuit!"