Dating Critique Reader Pillows

"I've no interest or hobbies, I'm a pretty dull old stick really, the only exciting thing that's happened to me was winning £4 million on the lottery..."

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

'He's not showing off to me as much as he used to...'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

"Stupid superstitious waste of money - what'd you wish for, a new vacuum?"

"Rick, here, is totally passive, and you always have to be in control, so I thought you might like each other."

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

I am sorry you can't have Sonia,she is for display only.'

'I'm looking for a man who enjoys long walks on the beach... so he has something to do while I'm shopping.'

'I'm leaving you, Harold. You're boring, predictable, and your texting borders on pathetic.'

'If you believe Christmas is over-commercialised, press the Sponsored by Cola red button.'

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

Sue meets another Winner

Sterns Father. 'What an unearthly hour that young fellow stops till every night, Doris. What does your mother say about it?' Daughter. 'She says men haven't altered a bit pa.'

Speed Dating and Speed Dumping

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

'I haven't dated that many people. Why do you ask?'

'Bet she's turned on by take charge guys.'

'I remember when sex on the first date was shocking. Now they don't even bother with a date!'

'I can't believe you actually JOINED the 'Psycho Girlfriend of the Month' Club!'

'A house? You must be joking! He doesn't even have his own teeth.'

The currency of love - Size is everything.

"That's an unusual, orange jumpsuit!"