Dating Profile Critic Pillows

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"That's an unusual, orange jumpsuit!"

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

"Stupid superstitious waste of money - what'd you wish for, a new vacuum?"

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"His online profile said he was a "silverback", but in fact, he was just old..."

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

"Alexa, you're not quite what I was expecting!"

I am sorry you can't have Sonia,she is for display only.'

'I'm leaving you, Harold. You're boring, predictable, and your texting borders on pathetic.'

'Your dating profile was right. You really do know how to show a girl a good time.'

Sue meets another Winner

Sterns Father. 'What an unearthly hour that young fellow stops till every night, Doris. What does your mother say about it?' Daughter. 'She says men haven't altered a bit pa.'

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

'This could be another chapter for my book on easy pickups.'

'I can't believe you actually JOINED the 'Psycho Girlfriend of the Month' Club!'

"Please may I see you again - I find your opinions so easy to trash."

'...Anyway, enough about me. Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

"I've no interest or hobbies, I'm a pretty dull old stick really, the only exciting thing that's happened to me was winning £4 million on the lottery..."

Another Soft-Porn Dating Show

'Pack a few things, Doreen. I've discovered this amazing new exchange scheme.'

'You better believe this lousy date is going on Facebook.'