Dating Profile Strategist Pillows

Coffee. I'm just a boring insomniac. What should I put in my online dating profile? Say you're "up for anything"!

'I sent out for everything.'

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

Dating the efficiency expert.

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

I couldn't resist his pickup line. He said he had a job.

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

"I can't cook, but I can pay."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

"I married for contrast."

Dating Rule #1. Repeat after me: I need some space. I need some space. Got it. Good. Make sure you tell that to Laurel all the time. But

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

"Why do I always choose 'The Bad Boy'?"

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'Pay no attention, they are a couple of ex husbands.'