Creating A Dating Profile Pillows

Any suggestions for my online profile? Don't describe your speed dating experience as "hanging out with fast women."

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

I couldn't resist his pickup line. He said he had a job.

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

Women Seeking Men

You have: 2,010,597 matches

The singles bar...

Small Talk

"Hmm....who's this tall drink of water?"

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

'The internet brings everyone closer.'

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

"What should I use for our scream name?"

"What should I use for our scream name?"

I met him online.

"Alexa, you're not quite what I was expecting!"

"I posted dozens of cat pictures on social media to meet women. Then one dated me and ran off with my cat."

Frank's endless supply of cheap dates.

"It turns out there was a computer error – we weren't made for each other after all."

'It seems we've both been a bit imaginative in creating our online profiles.'

'Your dating profile was right. You really do know how to show a girl a good time.'

'I see by Facebook that you hate burned toast.'

'I think I would get along really well with someone as disagreeable as me.'

'Another for our 'GSOH' file.'

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."