Online Profile Creation Pillows

"What should I use for our scream name?"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"Have you considered vlogging?"

'When I googled myself, and nothing came up, I began to question my own existence!'

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

Social Influencers Anonymous.

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

'I'm just updating my Facebook profile.'

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

Likes Makes Right

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

'The internet brings everyone closer.'

Your online profile didn't say you were a bottom feeder.

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

Types of online-ing

"And having a gazillion fake fans? That also came from social media, Tommy."

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

"I have 1,8000 friends on facebook....and you want a college degree?"

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Book of Usernames' / 'Book of Baby Names'.

"What should I use for our scream name?"

"I keep changing my profile picture."

INSTAGRAM FEEDS MATTER

Any suggestions for my online profile? Don't describe your speed dating experience as "hanging out with fast women."

'It seems we've both been a bit imaginative in creating our online profiles.'

'Next comes the cool part. Grab the clothes pegs. We're going online.'

'And number five said in his profile that he was 6'2' and he turned out to be 5'7'.'

'Talk about snooty. She was listed as 'most likely to be googled' in the class yearbook.'

'I'm tagging some unflattering photos of friends, so my tagged photos don't look quite so bad.'

'I see by Facebook that you hate burned toast.'

'My blog has its own blog.'

'So tell me about yourself. Where do you blog?'