Creative Profile Creator Pillows

'It seems we've both been a bit imaginative in creating our online profiles.'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Internet Name Tags.

Creative Director skipping through an advertising portfolio.

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

"Well, I've been struggling to write a book about my struggle to write a book..."

"It's about the world's smartest girl, her caring father, her fun-loving great aunt and her annoying, car-obsessed big brother."

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

"My novel? I've put it on hold. I'm writing my response in case I get asked to do on eof those 'How I write' columns..."

Ian McEwan

'All the characters in my novels are based on real people, for example the fat useless waster in my last one was you!'

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

Advertising Agency - "Phew! Fooling some of the people all the time is hard work."

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

Types of online-ing

Your online profile didn't say you were a bottom feeder.

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

Dreaming of an angel.

'You look exactly like your website.'

'The internet brings everyone closer.'

"Instead of creating life, I've decided just to establish an online persona."

"What should I use for our scream name?"

Charles Dickens.

Self-portraits

Any suggestions for my online profile? Don't describe your speed dating experience as "hanging out with fast women."

'So the new villain in my book is a-.'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3,4,6 and 8."

"We do appreciate imagination as a quality in candidates, but not when it comes to your qualifications."

"Dad, since I have an airbrush...maybe I can help make our Christmas cards this year!"

"Can you do any other impressions, apart from; John, your milkman?"

'And number five said in his profile that he was 6'2' and he turned out to be 5'7'.'