Creative Profile Creator Pillows

'It seems we've both been a bit imaginative in creating our online profiles.'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Internet Name Tags.

"Well, I've been struggling to write a book about my struggle to write a book..."

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

"It's about the world's smartest girl, her caring father, her fun-loving great aunt and her annoying, car-obsessed big brother."

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

Ian McEwan

"My novel? I've put it on hold. I'm writing my response in case I get asked to do on eof those 'How I write' columns..."

'All the characters in my novels are based on real people, for example the fat useless waster in my last one was you!'

Advertising Agency - "Phew! Fooling some of the people all the time is hard work."

'The internet brings everyone closer.'

'You look exactly like your website.'

Dreaming of an angel.

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

Types of online-ing

"Instead of creating life, I've decided just to establish an online persona."

Self-portraits

"We do appreciate imagination as a quality in candidates, but not when it comes to your qualifications."

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3,4,6 and 8."

"What should I use for our scream name?"

"Dad, since I have an airbrush...maybe I can help make our Christmas cards this year!"

'So the new villain in my book is a-.'

"Can you do any other impressions, apart from; John, your milkman?"

Charles Dickens.

'So tell me about yourself. Where do you blog?'