Online Personality Pillows

"I considered becoming a vegan but I'm trying to make my social media profile a little less annoying."

"Do you know how many followers I've got?"

Likes Makes Right

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

Social Influencers Anonymous.

"I post therefore I am."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

Working from home to-do list.

Computer Head

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

"If it's any consolation, the video went viral."

Man stuck on desert island with WiFi router.

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

Weapons of Mass Comparison

Hiding From Social Media

"And having a gazillion fake fans? That also came from social media, Tommy."

"What should I use for our scream name?"

"I keep changing my profile picture."

"What should I use for our scream name?"

"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"

You can't smell an online profile...

'Next comes the cool part. Grab the clothes pegs. We're going online.'

Dying for Social Media

'Talk about snooty. She was listed as 'most likely to be googled' in the class yearbook.'

'My blog has its own blog.'

'You look exactly like your tweets.'