Online Persona Expert Pillows

"....and please make my life as interesting as I make it look in Facebook."

"He gets easily abstracted."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

"You're either the olive or the Martini."

'Something that'll get me googled,'

Closet.

Social Influencers Anonymous.

'I've been married 4 times...do you think my resistance is down?'

Psychology 101

Likes Makes Right

'Which one shall I get?'

Some Friends From Work

"Of course I have an imaginary alter-ego. You'll find it on Facebook."

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

Types of online-ing

'I'm making sure my self-inflated Wikipedia entry corresponds to my self-inflated Facebook profile.'

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

"I'm less judgmental now that I've failed at everything in life."

'You can't get by on fluffiness forever!'

'If I were you I'd spend most of my time trying to be someone else.'

Home/work masks.

"I keep changing my profile picture."

INSTAGRAM FEEDS MATTER

"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"

Public Speaking Shoes

'Talk about snooty. She was listed as 'most likely to be googled' in the class yearbook.'

"Do you know how many followers I've got?"

"I've always felt I was a Taurus trapped in a Libra's body."

'I'm 50 percent lovable and 50 percent bitch. Don't push it.'

'According to your social network activities, you're a man-mad, boozy little hussy. You can start working here tomorrow.'

"I post therefore I am."

'You look exactly like your tweets.'

"Dude, loosen up!"