Online Persona Manager Pillows

"Help us reconcile the brilliant, dedicated employee from your references with the complete knucklehead from your social media accounts."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

'Something that'll get me googled,'

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

Miserable man holding a balloon with smiling face.

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

Man chooses head from cupboard.

"Of course I have an imaginary alter-ego. You'll find it on Facebook."

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

Types of online-ing

'I'm making sure my self-inflated Wikipedia entry corresponds to my self-inflated Facebook profile.'

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

Public Speaking Shoes

"I keep changing my profile picture."

Home/work masks.

"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"

'Talk about snooty. She was listed as 'most likely to be googled' in the class yearbook.'

"This isn't going to look good on my website."

'You look exactly like your tweets.'

'According to your social network activities, you're a man-mad, boozy little hussy. You can start working here tomorrow.'

Bloggers Anonymous.

'Not the 'Grizzlydog2576'? I love your posts!'

'I don't need therapy, but my alter ego on Facebook really has some issues!'

"That guy isn't really famous...just Google famous."

A figure carries different masks off into the distance.

"You appear to be more interesting on you website, than you actually are"

"....and please make my life as interesting as I make it look in Facebook."

Bird of Paradise as social media

I need guidance. Go ahead, child. My tweets and my status updates are witty and charming, nut in person I'm boring. You seek a way to improve your personality? I seek a way to strap my phone to my mouth so it can display my tweets and status updates. Computer Villa.

"Don't judge me until you see me web page."

My everyday life. My life on social media.

'But... your Facebook profile says you're a vegetarian!'

"Some Facebook friend you turned out to be."