Online Persona Critic Pillows

"Some Facebook friend you turned out to be."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

'Grown-ups sure make playing a lot of work.'

Social Influencers Anonymous.

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

Likes Makes Right

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

Types of online-ing

"Every night my neighbour turns into a hate commenting Internet troll... I much prefer this werewolf thing."

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

"What should I use for our scream name?"

"I keep changing my profile picture."

"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"

Public Speaking Shoes

'Talk about snooty. She was listed as 'most likely to be googled' in the class yearbook.'

Fanaticism in social networks

"I post therefore I am."

'According to your social network activities, you're a man-mad, boozy little hussy. You can start working here tomorrow.'

'You look exactly like your tweets.'

'I think this is the primordial ooze that eventually gave rise to life on the internet.'

"Somebody has been giving my porridge one-and-a-half-star reviews also!"

"Do you know how many followers I've got?"

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."