Online Persona Critic Pillows

"Some Facebook friend you turned out to be."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'Something that'll get me googled,'

You looked different during our video chat.

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

'Grown-ups sure make playing a lot of work.'

Social Influencers Anonymous.

Likes Makes Right

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

"Every night my neighbour turns into a hate commenting Internet troll... I much prefer this werewolf thing."

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

Types of online-ing

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

'I'm making sure my self-inflated Wikipedia entry corresponds to my self-inflated Facebook profile.'

Public Speaking Shoes

"I keep changing my profile picture."

INSTAGRAM FEEDS MATTER

"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"

That rant of yours about how nobody has any privacy anymore just showed up on YouTube.

"What should I use for our scream name?"

'Talk about snooty. She was listed as 'most likely to be googled' in the class yearbook.'

"Do you know how many followers I've got?"

"He looked a lot bigger online."

'I see by Facebook that you hate burned toast.'

'You look exactly like your tweets.'

'According to your social network activities, you're a man-mad, boozy little hussy. You can start working here tomorrow.'

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

Fanaticism in social networks

'I think this is the primordial ooze that eventually gave rise to life on the internet.'

"Somebody has been giving my porridge one-and-a-half-star reviews also!"