Dating Profile Enhancer Pillows

'You know, Eno, it's ok if you lie a little on your online dating profile.'

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"We REALLY do get better with age."

Ego Increasing School

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

I couldn't resist his pickup line. He said he had a job.

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

Small Talk

The singles bar...

"Hmm....who's this tall drink of water?"

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

'It's all downhill from here.'

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

Test dummies holding 'Kama Sutra For Dummies' manual.

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

"She didn't know what she was saying, Mr Kalish. Please believe me."

'Well, what seems to be the problem?'

"Alexa, you're not quite what I was expecting!"

Any suggestions for my online profile? Don't describe your speed dating experience as "hanging out with fast women."

'It seems we've both been a bit imaginative in creating our online profiles.'

'I'm tagging some unflattering photos of friends, so my tagged photos don't look quite so bad.'

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

"He looked a lot bigger online."

Sex Shop

'Your dating profile was right. You really do know how to show a girl a good time.'

'It's my wife's reminder to put the toilet seat down.'

Coffee. I'm just a boring insomniac. What should I put in my online dating profile? Say you're "up for anything"!

"That's an unusual, orange jumpsuit!"

'I'm flattered by your imitation, unless you just want to be taller than me.'

'Please tell me that you have something else to offer?'