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'I'm tagging some unflattering photos of friends, so my tagged photos don't look quite so bad.'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

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I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

'He was taller online!'

Your online profile only lists positive things about you. Of course, a "profile" only shows one side of a person.

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

"I'm internet dating. I'm looking for someone I can morph and tweak."

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

Your online profile didn't say you were a bottom feeder.

'Sure I like him but I've only met him in real life. I have no idea what his online profiles are like.'

"Right now? I'm putting my reputation on line."

"We did everything we could, but you still look like a geek on your dating profile."

"Be honest, do you think it's my profile pic holding me back?"

'Well, what seems to be the problem?'

"I keep changing my profile picture."

"What should I use for our scream name?"

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'And number five said in his profile that he was 6'2' and he turned out to be 5'7'.'

'So tell me about yourself. Where do you blog?'

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'I see by Facebook that you hate burned toast.'

Tall, Dark, and Handsome chats with Buxom Blonde.

"Do you want style or comfort?"

"That's his online avatar...the off-line version is over here."