Profile Enhancement Gifts

'I'm tagging some unflattering photos of friends, so my tagged photos don't look quite so bad.'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

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Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

'He was taller online!'

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

"I'm internet dating. I'm looking for someone I can morph and tweak."

'Sure I like him but I've only met him in real life. I have no idea what his online profiles are like.'

"What should I use for our scream name?"

'Well, what seems to be the problem?'

"Right now? I'm putting my reputation on line."

"We did everything we could, but you still look like a geek on your dating profile."

"Be honest, do you think it's my profile pic holding me back?"

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"I keep changing my profile picture."

'So tell me about yourself. Where do you blog?'

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Tall, Dark, and Handsome chats with Buxom Blonde.

"Do you want style or comfort?"

"That's his online avatar...the off-line version is over here."

Profile: Please describe yourself in a few words - A man of many parts...