Dating Profile Ponderer Pillows

"Alexa, you're not quite what I was expecting!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

"Have you seen my wife?"

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

"I'm giving love one more try."