Dating Profile Ponderer Pillows

"Alexa, you're not quite what I was expecting!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

"Have you seen my wife?"

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Caption Contest TK

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'