Profile Ponderer Pillows

'I think I like you better online.'

'Do you, shoe online shop customer number 145583774, promise to love, honor and cherish electronic online shop customer number 9634217554...'

"Have you ever noticed that all our teachers fit the FBI's terrorist profile?"

"On my dating website it said would be the perfect match."

"Needs to get a life"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'At least I don't have his life.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Have you seen my money?

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."