Profile Ponderer Gifts

'I think I like you better online.'

'Do you, shoe online shop customer number 145583774, promise to love, honor and cherish electronic online shop customer number 9634217554...'

"Have you ever noticed that all our teachers fit the FBI's terrorist profile?"

"On my dating website it said would be the perfect match."

"Needs to get a life"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'At least I don't have his life.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Max Weber

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Have you seen my money?

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'