Relationship Ponderer Pillows

"So that's your final answer."

"Let's not ruin this moment by enjoying it."

He gave her a big bear hug. The kind that says, I love you, I'll never leave you, I'm possessive, needy and insecure.

'She won't even go out with me. How can I get her to marry me?'

'I'll never understand women.' - 'Even if you did you wouldn't believe it.'

'Since you've been in here, I just sit at home. I barely talk to our friends anymore and I haven't been out in weeks... you just wouldn't understand.'

"I just don't understand women."

Ingratitude.

'How bad do I want a girlfriend?'

"I think my wife is having an affair, I found aftershave in our bathroom."

"My girlfriend just finished with me. She said she wants 'a more long-term relationship'."

"To tell you the truth Maureen, on our first date I was hoping things would progress a little less slowly"

'The night sky is forever shifting and changing, much like my interest in girls.'

'Would you love me even if I wasn't fat?'

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"Do you ever think of getting married?"

"Baldo...I...I don't know what to say."

"The last one was clearly incompatible - she didn't think a shelled walnut resembled a human brain."

"As a single young male at this church I am uncomfortable being constantly evaluated for marriage potential."

"The only time I didn't fake an orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers."

"Well, if I'm 'the fairest of them all' how come I can't get a boyfriend?"

"Mum came home when dad was having a stroke, so she's shacked the Au-Pair."

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

Daisy Bates and Harry Morant.

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

Why do friends come and go while enemies accumulate?

'It's not that I hate ALL men. Just the lowlifes I'm instinctively attracted to.'

'What's happened to the romance in our marriage, John?'

'Gregory, do you suppose our relationship could be too meaningful?'

"No, his phone line is fine. Maybe he just doesn't love you anymore."

'Long time, no she.'

"Oh god! Everybody knows I'm single!"

Marriage helper.

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'Do I take this to mean, then, that your role as a 'fishing widow' has ended?'