Dating Critic Mugs

'...Anyway, enough about me. Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

"Are you positive he's the one who talked about himself all night and never once asked about you?"

'This could be another chapter for my book on easy pickups.'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

Tunnel of what passes for love these days. Tickets.

Evolution of love

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

Dead cupid

"Stupid superstitious waste of money - what'd you wish for, a new vacuum?"

A man smoking a post-coital cigarette sees a woman leaving a note in a suggestions box.

"I like you, but only in a Facebook thumbs up kind of way."

Relationship problems.

"I'm not really a handsome prince. I just fancied a good snog."

"Oh, great... they say they all have headaches."

I am sorry you can't have Sonia,she is for display only.'

"I married you for your money, Leonard. Where is it?"

'I'm leaving you, Harold. You're boring, predictable, and your texting borders on pathetic.'

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"He looked a lot bigger online."

What's the best way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings? Why would you want to do that? The whole point of breaking up with someone is to punish them for their shenanigans, their shortcomings, and their carnal incompetence! Why deny yourself satisfaction?! Every time you bring a tear to the eye of a loser, an angel get her wings.

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

Sterns Father. 'What an unearthly hour that young fellow stops till every night, Doris. What does your mother say about it?' Daughter. 'She says men haven't altered a bit pa.'

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

Humpty Dumpty on Lover's Leap.

Frogs - I think he likes you.

Sue meets another Winner

Speed Dating and Speed Dumping