Modern Dating Commentator Gifts

"I like you, but only in a Facebook thumbs up kind of way."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Let's do lunch.'

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

I'm looking at photos of potential dates here. Your "screening" process.

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

"I'm so shallow."

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"We need to text about our relationship."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"Love means sacrificing your swiping hand."

'You'd better go home now, Ted -- I'm beginning to feel lonesome.'

"It was love at first sight. She married him without even googling him!"

"Sorry, but I never give more than a peck on the cheek on a first date."

Romantic LED-lit Dinner

"Last night, he was a sex addict. Today, he's a not calling addict."