Modern Dating Commentator Gifts

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

'Let's do lunch.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

"I'm so shallow."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"We need to text about our relationship."

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"Honestly, Gwen! Sometimes they act as if we were pieces of meat!"

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"Love means sacrificing your swiping hand."

"Sorry, but I never give more than a peck on the cheek on a first date."

"I just can't be with someone who's never been digitized."

Romantic LED-lit Dinner

'You'd better go home now, Ted -- I'm beginning to feel lonesome.'

"Last night, he was a sex addict. Today, he's a not calling addict."