Dating World Commentators Gifts

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Now who's being judgy?"

"I don't see what you see in him."

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"I liked you better as my first husband."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

Bread Winner-Need More Dough

"I don't want to get too serious."

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"

"I was being myself like you advised. That's when she dumped me!"

'Nothing grows in the shade.'

'I prefer to hire married men to bachelors. Married men don't get upset when I shout at them.'