Modern Dating Enthusiast Gifts

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"Of course I agree that we should see other people, I'm a prostitute, remember..."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"You lack spontaniety."

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

"Your profile said you were a dog."

Ostrich Bar

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

Alligator Bars

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'Let's do lunch.'

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

"I hope you don't think I'm the kind who would hibernate on the first date."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

You looked different during our video chat.

Romantic Coffee Dates

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."