Modern Dating Enthusiast Gifts

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"Of course I agree that we should see other people, I'm a prostitute, remember..."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

Biological Cuckoo clock

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I hope you don't think I'm the kind who would hibernate on the first date."

Romantic Coffee Dates

'Let's do lunch.'

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

Alligator Bars

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'It's our fifth date, so I'll take a box of impatience.'