Dating Enthusiast Gifts

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

Generic Joe meets plain Jane. It was a match made in a place very similar to Heaven, but without the overhead.

"I'm afraid I can't arrange an emergency vasectomy just because you think you've got a hot date on Saturday."

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

Fear of commitment.

"Oh no, not another Philiphs head"

'Keep in mind, daughter... being in heat is not the same as being in love.'

'I'm serious. If you crave more action, try age-appropriate dating. Sexy women 50 to 75 are an under-served demographic.'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

'I'm trying to see if blondes really do have more fun.'

"We met online. He wants to get together on the rooftop. Isn't that romantic?"

Would you like to go out on a date? - 'No.' - 'Oh... are you already seeing someone?' - 'No.' - 'I don't get it...' -

"We pointed, but we never clicked."

"Will you call me?"

'Dad, will you tell me about the prat falls of dating?'

Ostrich Bar

'You could be more selective in your choice, Mr Jones.'

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Woman joins the window display at a pet store with a sign saying 'Pick Me.'

I really like you a lot, Marsha. As a sign of just how much, I've decided I'd like you to NOT meet my family.

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

"But the restraining order was totally temporary."

Your lips say "no," but your eyes say "yes." My lips rule my eyes with an iron tongue.

There's only one thing that could bring us world peace, little buddy. A huge asteroid? Dating as many people of different races, castes and religions as possible. It's hard to fear someone once you've formed an intimate bond with them. This solution doesn't sound self-serving at all. It's a burden, but I'm willing to lead by example.

I think I may have figured out why my date called playing footsie a sick fetish, Dr. Kapuchnik. I was using my hands.

I had a dinner date last night and at one point I tried playing footsie. My date called that a sick fetish. Is playing footsie really a sick fetish, doctor? Only if done properly, Al.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Another blind date falls victim to Lucille's 'No Toupee Strip.'"

"Tinder has a new option - you can swipe right for yes, left for no and up and down for self isolate with me!"

"You had me at ‘we should start seeing other people.’"

Boyfriend Audition

"He's interesting. But he's not Brazilian-bikini-wax interesting."

"I'm not as old or as young as you think I am."

"Want to skip lunch and cruise Canal for a pair of piano movers?"

"O.K., I'll come in for one drink and maybe sex, but that's it."