Dating Advice Enthusiast Gifts

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? I'm tired of holding my girlfriend's purse while she's shopping. How do I get out of doing that? Simple. Lose her purse. But wouldn't she be mad at me? I'd be in the dog house! Dog house is just the codependent man's way of saying man cave.

'Why not give him a chance, he might grow on you.'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'In general, do the right thing.'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

Biological Cuckoo clock

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

"Your profile said you were a dog."

Ostrich Bar

'Here's how you'll know for sure. Does he always get dreamy and say it, like 'I l-o-o-o-v-e you,' - or is it just a tossed-off, 'Love ya!?'

Romantic Coffee Dates

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'