Dating Etiquette Enthusiast Gifts

'Don't you know it's rude to show your concealed weapon on the first date?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"You lack spontaniety."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'Don't get up!'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'I need to take this call... please mumble to yourself.'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'