Etiquette Enthusiast Gifts

"I thought we had the sort of relationship where 'please' and 'thank you' were implicit."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'I can never remember. Does the cell phone go on the left or the right?'

In the dark days, before doctor-patient confidentiality.

'Did you know in some cultures it's considered rude to lick your plate?'

'Excuse me, could everyone be quiet, I'm trying to talk on my cellphone.'

'Yes Jason, you may go to the lavatory, but next time just raise your hand.'

Two Englishmen Who Were Never Formally Introduced.

'It's a memo from our parent company. They remind us to pay attention, quit slouching, take our elbows off the table and to act our age, if it's not too much to ask!'

'That was a very interesting cell phone conversation. Thanks for sharing it with me.'

Compulsive Interrupters Support Group.

Deferential equations.

'This isn't third grade, Bob. You can speak.'

British culture is deeply impregnated with 'hinting', getting the message across, withot ever 'coming out with it'.

'You must close your eyes during grace.'

'I start the morning with a warm 'Hello!' then downgrade through the day to a nod until I finally lose eye contact altogether.'

Trapped in a how-are-you vortex

'Think we should ask permission first?'

Tactless Abe

True Humility - Curate's Egg.

The words 'Thank you ' take seconds to say, but mean so much.

'Were you trying to attract my attention, Sir?'

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'Remember use your museum behavior, not your art gallery behavior.'

'After you' said Miss Manners. 'Oh you first' insisted Mrs Etiquette.

"Do you want the 10-minute truth, or the 5-second lie?"

"I'm looking for a book called 'The Decline in Manners' by A. S. Thorpe."

'Not very good netiquette, is it?'

'What's the one little word you've forgotten?'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"Don't say 'After you'."

"You can't thank Grandmom with a tweet! She deserves the respect of a good old fashioned email."

"Whoops-sorry. That's my porn name."

The Society of Civil Engineers

From the way you dress to the way you say 'hello' , you will be influencing an inetrviewer's opinion of you...