Netiquette Enthusiast Gifts

Fred discovers 'anti-social' media...

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

Trolling on social media

There were disadvantages to the 24 hours communications revolution.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

"All rise."

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

"I hit reply all too many times."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."