Etiquette Aficionados Gifts

'Randy needs help! ... But let's putt out first. I don't want to hold up the foursome waiting behind us.'

'Did someone forget to circle before dinner.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

A Grievance.

Waiting for the executioner: good manners.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please charge your phones and be uploading..."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

"All rise."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"I hit reply all too many times."

"More?"

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."