Etiquette Admirer Gifts

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'I'm getting kind of bored, Jim. Can I put you on hold?'

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

Courtesy ATM

Hello!

"I forgot my phone."

How to locate the person whose cell phone went off in the middle of Mass...

"Yoy know we could just step over that fence and escape?"

"... Mind if we play throught?"

'I think he's going to let you finish telling your joke.'

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

'It's a 4-hr DVD on the proper way to hold a wine glass - plus a free 2-year subscription to How to Hold A Wine Glass Magazine!'

'That's what I like about small town life. Did you notice how polite that mugger was?'

'She's going to be a TV presenter.'

Tip responsibly

Illustration for 'Eleanor's Victory' by Miss Braddon, scene 2.

Courtesy desk

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Only One Item or Fewer.