Etiquette Coach Admirer Gifts

'You're supposed to sneeze on your own elbow.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'