Etiquette Lover Gifts

'Mom, you didn't say please or thank you.'

'You don't have to say hello every time we pass.'

'You're just throwing it on the ground? -- It wouldn't kill you to bring along some paper plates.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

A lady responding to a rude boy

Standing No Nonsense.

Man and Woman in the Drawing Room

"Bon appetit!"

Dentist's patient, "Please - You don't have to get up every time a lady enters the room."

"Mornin'."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"