Etiquette Fan Gifts

'Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you!'

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

'Did you see Phil look at the clock and nod to Marmaduke to start yawning?'

'When I pled 'Not Guilty,' I forgot to say 'May I?''

"I guess they were right."

'Ladies and Gentlemen.'

'EEEEEHA!!' 'WHISKEY!' 'What's the magic word?'

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."