Quirky Etiquette Fan Gifts

Corona: Take Precautions!

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"He's deliciously vintage."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

'D'you have any salt?'

"Trust me, detainee orange is going to be huge this fall."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

Bernice Mountain Dog

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

"I hit reply all too many times."

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'