Quirky Mannerism Fan Gifts

"Pushing buttons with anything other than your index finger is an affectation."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"He's deliciously vintage."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

The Pencil and Sharpener

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

The Running of the Brie

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

Mouse with a cat cake.

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'

"Hold on... did you mean to hit Snooze or Jazz?"