Quirky Mannerism Fan Gifts

"Pushing buttons with anything other than your index finger is an affectation."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Introducing...Anagraman.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Jarvis Cocker

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

'Check out the old dude.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"He's deliciously vintage."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

The Running of the Brie

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

The Pencil and Sharpener

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Crash Test Dummy Blues

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

An Extraordinary Pointer