Social Etiquette Fan Gifts

"Would you please stop saying 'That's a no-brainer'!"

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

'Nice to meet you.' - 'Hold on.' - 'Eh?' - 'What the...?!' - 'Nice to meet you.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

Let's shake on it.

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

'When I pled 'Not Guilty,' I forgot to say 'May I?''

'I certainly phoned SOMEBODY and said, honey, I'm bringing home a guest for dinner!'

"How much do you tip your genie?"

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

Corona: Take Precautions!

'EEEEEHA!!' 'WHISKEY!' 'What's the magic word?'

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

A guest departing a party.

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

"I got my ticket for three dollars over the Internet. Are you going to eat that salmon?"

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

"I wish you'd shut that door! - Were you born in a barn??"

'On The Face Of It.'

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

"I guess they were right."

'Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you!'

'Put away that damned smartphone!'

'Stay for dinner? Are you sure? - We don't want to wear out our welcome.'

"My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight." "My name's Fred, and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon." "I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason."