Dating Etiquette Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Don't you know it's rude to show your concealed weapon on the first date?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"You lack spontaniety."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Don't get up!'

'D'you have any salt?'

"All rise."

'I need to take this call... please mumble to yourself.'

'So are you the wise guy that thinks my food is not good enough to regurgitate and maul between your hands?'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

Biological Cuckoo clock