Dating Etiquette Aficionado T-Shirts

After #metoo

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Call me?"

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

I'm your girlfriend and best friend so I get twice as many slices

Drive in movies.

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Don't get up!'

'So are you the wise guy that thinks my food is not good enough to regurgitate and maul between your hands?'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

Banana Smoothie

"All rise."

'D'you have any salt?'

'I need to take this call... please mumble to yourself.'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'