Etiquette Aficionado T-Shirts

Britishness Test - Queue Here.

'Well, if you're conducting a state visit to Russia, you should at least learn how to pronounce 'Czar.''

'No phone calls, please, until you've used up all of your dinnertime minutes.'

'A young lady does not say 'Caw Caw', a young lady says, 'Hello, I'm a crow of quality'.'

'Say 'Please'.'

'Do you always have to gulp your food down in one go, George? It's so uncivilised!'

Why Bob lives alone...

Refinements of Modern Speech

'Don't get up!'

Please pass the salt.

'Please don't call me Mr. Carruthers. Mr. Carruthers is my father. I'm Dr. Carruthers.'

'King? Is that a nickname, like Duke Ellington or Queen Latifah?'

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'Sir, our chef would like you to know that he's the only one allowed to wear a hat in here!'

'For you information, hymns are meant to be sung, not whistled.'

'Is it okay to drink red wine in brown shoes?'

'But if they do force you to talk, just remember: Say it, don't spray it.'

Urinal instructions

'That's Ludwig II, not Ludwig JUNIOR!'

'No need to be concerned. After 30 years I'm finally emerging from this cocoon.'

'Well, I for one do not believe common courtesy to the host demands deck shoes.'

'I realize this trial is exciting, but the jury will refrain from doing the wave.'

'That's enough, thank you.'

'Mind if I start without you?'

'Seriously, Earl. It's just embarrassing!'

'If you'd care to wait a few moments sir, all our toothpicks are currently in use.'

"Remember, son - at a feeding frenzy you don't start before the others, you chew with your mouth closed, and you don't talk until you've swallowed."

Shouting into a mobile phone

"I've never seen a gimme taken on a fareway before."

"Would you mind eating your snacks in the kitchenette?"

Turn Off Cell Phones - Violators Will Be Over Ruled.

"Apart from the matter of pets in the theatre, he's bloody munching as well."

Gentlemen do not expose their knees in the metropolis.

"I hate it when he eats at his desk."