Dating Advice Seekers Gifts

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

'Here's how you'll know for sure. Does he always get dreamy and say it, like 'I l-o-o-o-v-e you,' - or is it just a tossed-off, 'Love ya!?'

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

Warbling on the First Date

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

'Face it, Tharg, girls just don't want to be abducted any more.'

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

The Neuro — The First Official Worldwide Currency

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

Hypnotizing Women

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

"Sanctuary Vicar, for God's sake, sanctuary."

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

"I met my husband in this bar... well, ex-husband...well, my ex-husband who's my current boyfriend. It's complicated."