Dating Advice Seeker Gifts

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

'Face it, Tharg, girls just don't want to be abducted any more.'

"Believe me, boys are like sports. They never live up to the pregame hype."

'Here's how you'll know for sure. Does he always get dreamy and say it, like 'I l-o-o-o-v-e you,' - or is it just a tossed-off, 'Love ya!?'

Warbling on the First Date

"Maybe my standards are too high. I'm just looking for the perfect girl."

"Mixed marriages never work out. An 'A-lister' should never marry a 'B-lister'."

Have a nice date great great grandson. I'm sure she's lovely, but remember the Fibonacci sequence...

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

'I just had to stop by and thank you for all the advice...'

A Bug's Life Advice