Dating Advice Seeker T-Shirts

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

I seek Sadie Cohen. The old bat? The darling lass of the Ask Sadie Radio Hour. Is she here? Depends on your intentions. Are you planning to insult, ridicule or mock her? Of course not. Haven't seen her around.

Train me in the ways of dating, Jedi master. Stop calling me that. I'm not a romance Yoda, or Obi Wan. I don't have The Force inside me. The true Jedi are humble about their secrets. I'm a man. My secret is Mennen Speed Stick!

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, How can I get this woman to accept that I don't want to have a relationship with her? She shares many of your attributes, so you're the perfect person to ask. - Chris. Actual reader letter. Terrific question. How do you turn down someone like me? It's tough. Over the years, people have tried garlic, chants and curses, hired muscle. But the only think you can really do is give lavish gifts. Or cash. Bundles of cash. Gifts and cash? The generosity sickens us and drives us aw

Enough about me. Let's talk about you. But let's not rush into talking about you. Let's talk about me and you together as a segue between talking about me and you separately.

'Face it, Tharg, girls just don't want to be abducted any more.'

"Believe me, boys are like sports. They never live up to the pregame hype."

'Here's how you'll know for sure. Does he always get dreamy and say it, like 'I l-o-o-o-v-e you,' - or is it just a tossed-off, 'Love ya!?'

Warbling on the First Date

"Maybe my standards are too high. I'm just looking for the perfect girl."

"Mixed marriages never work out. An 'A-lister' should never marry a 'B-lister'."

Have a nice date great great grandson. I'm sure she's lovely, but remember the Fibonacci sequence...

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. Stop trying to change your wife into a Xerox copy of yourself! Right now your relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Kl