Dating Advice Skeptic Gifts

Would you mind if I texted a photo of you to my brothers? Yes. Would you mind if I texted a photo of you to the police?

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

'Here's how you'll know for sure. Does he always get dreamy and say it, like 'I l-o-o-o-v-e you,' - or is it just a tossed-off, 'Love ya!?'

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actuall

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

Warbling on the First Date

'Face it, Tharg, girls just don't want to be abducted any more.'

"Bill and I hate the same books."

Hypnotizing Women

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

"Sorry Peter, but you're just not evolving quickly enough."

"I did say I wanted to get married, but that was a false positive."

"You weren't playing hard to get! You were scared of commitment!"

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places.